Ken Dairiki
Ken is a social worker who has experience working in a hospital setting as well as with court appointed clients. Ken completed his Bachelor’s of Social Work from Eastern Michigan University, as well as his Masters of Social Work from the University of Michigan. Ken is honored to be a part of OUR HOUSE and is eager to contribute to the mission of OUR HOUSE.
What was the catalyst for you stepping into this work? How did you end up here, at this moment, doing what you do?
In all of the jobs I have had as a social worker, grief, loss, death and bereavement have been prevalent when engaging with clients. During my internship at Children's Hospital of Michigan, I worked in the Emergency Department of the hospital, death was around the corner and a simple calling of a code in the hospital meant I had to be ready to witness a death. I would present families that had experienced a death with resources, educational materials and work to discharge the family. The work in the hospital felt incomplete, it didn't feel sufficient, and it left a bad taste in my mouth. I then took a grief and loss class in my graduate program, the main textbook we used in the class was the founder of the overarching model of grief, loss, death and bereavement we use here at OUR HOUSE! Knowing this model changed my perception of grief and my life. When I moved to Los Angeles, I sought a job centered around providing long term care for those seeing bereavement services, that's how I found OUR HOUSE Grief Support Center. I emailed my supervisor countless times until they gave me an opportunity to be interviewed, I have now been working here for just about 2 years.
What do you hope people get from working with you or interacting with your services?
As an Intake Coordinator, I want people to have a firm grasp of our scope of services. We offer grief and loss support groups, this is not counseling, or therapy and I spend a fair amount of time explaining the differences between different modalities of support people generally seek for grief, loss and bereavement. I want to ensure people receive the level of care they deserve and would best suit them given their current circumstances. On a personal note, I want people to feel comfortable talking about their grief with myself, conversations about grief, loss and death shouldn't be stigmatized, or thought of as taboo, its a universality people face in life, people need to be safe having these conversations and I try my best to provide that type of setting. My hope from when people engage in our support groups is a sense of connection with others who have experienced a death of a similar relationship. So often I hear from people that even those in their support systems don't know what to say, don't reach out or try to give them unsolicited advice, I want those in our support groups to feel a sense of community and that they have people in their life who want to talk about the grief they are experiencing, no one should grieve alone.
What do you wish was different about the way we are supported when dying, grieving, and navigating end-of-life in general? What would you change?
There is so much stigma around death, grief and bereavement. I don't know where to start, even in the language we use, the constant euphemisms, the word death is thought of with such negative connotations. I would first wish for death, grief and bereavement to not be as stigmatized, having conversations about the ones who have died are conversations that must be had, and we need to foster an environment which enables people to have these valuable and intimate conversations. There is also such a need for more resources regarding grief, loss, death and bereavement. As someone who helps manage our community referral list, there is such a gap in service needs, and this leads to individuals' grief being disenfranchised. If I had a magic wand, I would create more specific grief and loss support groups (relationship specific, cause of death specific and affinity support groups). What I have seen is that the more specific and tailor made a grief support group is for someone's needs, they will significantly benefit from the service, as well as it being easier for them to develop continuing connections with those in the support group.
What would you say to someone who is nervous about attending events about death or grief?
When we begin a grief and loss support group, every group member is nervous on the first day of our support groups, even i'm nervous. We aren't used to having or we've had experiences that made us feel unsafe to talk openly about the our grief or the death we experienced. Death and grief are universals that all individuals experience, there are so many people who want to have conversations about their person/s who they experienced the death of and how their grief has affected so many aspects of their life. You deserve to talk about the death and the grief you are experiencing. Grief lasts forever, but what we have seen in our support groups is that when people are given a safe and caring environment to have these vulnerable conversations, the easier it is to talk about your grief, reach out for support you need and to maintain the connection to your person who died.
